So, I have previously mentioned that blogger fever has invaded me and I am hooked. To clarify, while I enjoy reading my friend's blogs and seeing their pics in one place, what has really snagged me over the past two years or so has been the emergence of pieces written by total strangers that completely speak to me (and for me) in ways that I never would have imagined. The topics are a variety- from being a mommy and it's notable ups and downs, to the experience of grief, marital struggles, etc- the common thread always being that the authors GET IT, whatever their it is, and they have a way of reaching into my head and either expressing what I can't or helping me clarify that muddy, confused mess that can be my mind sometimes. Hunt and I have had a life that has been punctuated by some definite highs, but also very much tempered with some devastating lows, and there was a period of time where amidst grief and probably some depression I was really struggling to find my way through to the light on the other side. Hunt did his best to help, but a lot of my sadness I tried to keep tucked away, off the surface, and with the sort of "fake it till you make it" approach even towards my closest friends. Despite his best intentions, there was just no way that he was going to ever really understand how I was hurting, and at the time there didn't seem to be any of my friends that could really commiserate with me either as each of them had baby after baby and were seemingly surrounded in the joys of pregnancy and their growing families. I now know, of course, that some of my closest friends were also walking around with their own secrets, and sadness, and loss, and I have found some kindred spirits in connecting over those shared experiences and truly opening up about mine. Certainly having a happy "end" to our story with the arrival of my Grace has allowed me to open up some of those other parts of me that I kept tucked away for so long. There are no words to express my gratitude for the blessing that she is, and the forever gift that I cling to. It is nothing short of a miracle in my mind for me to be able to have come out the other side of my story with such a precious little girl, and to be able to say that while my marriage took some pretty serious hits along the road, we are still side by side working to keep it all together. So many are just not able to say the same, and my heart breaks for them because I know, I really know.
This weekend was highlighted by the arrival of my blogger idol, the shameless truth teller herself, coming to Indy for a local charity event. I have had a loose connection to Glennon for some time after going to high school and college with her younger sister, and with the emergence of the Facebook phenomenon also came old acquaintances renewed for the occasional check in on where everyone is at in their life-- or at least the Facebook version of their lives! Mandy started sharing her sister's blog- Momastery- and I began periodically reading her posts mostly out of curiosity at first. I loved her honesty and found it so refreshing to read somebody actually laying their own crap out there. What a lovely discovery for someone struggling to keep her head above water to find that the girl who you thought had the perfect life from the outside and the family that it had all going for them was actually super messy too. And then all of a sudden, almost like it was overnight she was everywhere, with friends of mine from all over sharing her posts on FB that seemingly had no connection to her. Her words and her honesty clearly resonated with them also, and her energy and infectious personality (which Mandy shares) have led to a cult like following by so many who were obviously desperate for someone to give voice to everything that they were carrying around too. It is incredible and so inspiring, and just plain honest and true and raw and I love love love it. So imagine my delight to have her here in town and to spend the afternoon with her. Erin came for the event as well, and I think that we both felt a little special to be able to be a small part in all of this.
Hmm, so this was a heavy post. Certainly heavier than toddlerisms and daycare pics, and yet just as easy to write actually. In closing, my sincerest gratitude and thanks to all of you out there who go about writing about your real life and sharing it with other women. It has not only helped me to find solace in knowing that I am in good company as a high functioning quasi crazy person, but it has also continued to remind me of the many true and undeniable blessings that Hunt and I have in our life, our family, and our adorable and amazing Harper Grace.
